Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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