You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
