Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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