i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
