I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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