very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
