you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
