I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
