I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
