dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
