how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize