Cold hands, warm shart.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
