I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
