If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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