I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
