Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
