It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
then he tried to convert me to islam
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
