So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
