I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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