Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
