And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You have to summon your inner elephant
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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