So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
