just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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