So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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