I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
