While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
