I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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