we're blogging at a bar
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
