My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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