I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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