I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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