remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My penis needs a shock collar
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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