My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He felt like a one man threesome
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
