apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
