I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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