i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
