Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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