I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
honey bunches of taint.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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