also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
