oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
