He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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