well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
