thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
