either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
