just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize