Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
