matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
