just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
