Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
