wrigley field is MILF paradise
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize