she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
