When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize