i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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