Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
