Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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