when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
