cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
