just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
