Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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