a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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