I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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