First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
