I wanna bring you to show and tell
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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