I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
