i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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