Got a toothbrush?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
