dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
