Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
