My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
