Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That accounts for only three of the penises
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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