Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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