Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
