I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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