so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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