Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
