Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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