she was so not down for the gang bang
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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