my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
