I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
