I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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