i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
