Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
