i just sent this text using only my big toe
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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