mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
thus making me awesome and them whores
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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