So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
