He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
