what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
