I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
