So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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