already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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