boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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