Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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