Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
