im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
