is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
