pop tarts are not kleenex
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
