Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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