if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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