Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
